To those of you experiencing your first Mardi Gras, welcome.

The next few days will bring a lot of fun, drinking and general debauchery. However, acting like one of “those” tourists you hear about or see on “Cops: Mardi Gras” is not the way to celebrate. You know the type: the loud-mouthed, bead-hogging, beer-toting person who can’t keep his or her pants up and/or shirt on. That kind of behavior may seem amusing at first, but attitudes change when mom and dad see your late-night TV debut on the newest “Girls Gone Wild” infomercial or get a phone call after you hit the jackpot with a free trip to Central Lockup.

Speaking of TV, it doesn’t matter what happens on your “Girls Gone Wild: Mardi Gras” tape. If a nice man with a video camera offers you beads to remove your shirt and/or pants, don’t. Contrary to popular belief, flashing is not tolerated, and many families with young children line the parade route. Mardi Gras is not a public orgy.

If a rider on a float is aiming for the person next to or above you, don’t jump in front and wrestle the beads or trinkets away. Beads may look shiny and a coconut may seem necessary for survival at the moment, but they’re not worth injury to you or the other party. Also, do not take beads from children, whether on ladders or on the ground. Kids may be defenseless, but their fathers are not.

And contrary to popular Mardi Gras myth, bathrooms exist along parade routes. They may cost money to use, but they’re easy to find. The $5 or $10 is also cheaper than a citation. A tip: If a bathroom is free at Mardi Gras, it’s probably not a bathroom. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what is and is not a bathroom. A front yard is not a bathroom, not even at Carnival. Neither is a wall, a gutter or anywhere else that doesn’t have a traditional repository for relief.

The party ends on Tuesday at midnight. While Hollywood portrays New Orleans as a non-stop Mardi Gras, it’s not. Spread the word to friends and those in danger of becoming “that” tourist: In addition to not second lining to officially sanctioned bathrooms, Mardi Gras does not take place in July.

Keep these tips in mind. You’ll be sure to stay off TV, and you’ll come back safe to your room at the end of the night.

Or morning.