There is perhaps only one thing more dreaded, more feared than a case of the clap: finals week. However both have cures – one with several rounds of antibiotics, the other through all night cramming and the loss of a personal life. While the most encouragement that can be offered for the former is “good luck with that,” the latter can be provided with not only encouragement, but also advice.
Like cocaine, this is your way out.
Now, take a deep breath and remember the immortal words of disco diva Gloria Gaynor: “You will survive.”
Top five study hot spots:
1. The Fourth Floor of the Communications/Music Building
Ever up been up there? No? Well neither has anyone else this semester. The fourth floor is the perfect place to cram without having any interruptions or having to rebuff that guy who incessantly asks to bum a pencil, piece of paper or cigarette. (Seriously people don’t have any. Stop asking.) Be sure to use the restrooms while you’re up there. They’re immaculate, and you’ll be the first one in days to use them.
2. A Fort
Still have all those boxes from when you moved into the dorms four months ago? Channel your inner five year-old and construct a study fort with them. No one would dare disturb you because you’re a bad ass in a fort. Be sure to use tape when constructing it. A fort with tape is a hurricane proof structure. A fort without it is a bunch of useless cardboard on your floor.
3. Rue De La Course
This New Orleans favorite is definitely worth the trek to Carrollton Avenue. Over looking the often-crowded first floor are tables with those serious looking lamps with the green glass shades that say, “I’m an intellectual.” Grab a coffee before heading upstairs. Rue is wireless accessible, so bring your laptop to do work on Blackboard.
4. Monroe Library
The crowd in the library during finals is almost as severe as the one at Tuck’s on a Saturday night … almost. Don’t bother trying to find a computer in one of the labs – you won’t. Bring your laptop or steal one, and find an obscure table hidden between the bookshelves. If someone tries to speak to you, pretend to be blind and deaf.
5. Biever, Buddig or Carrollton halls
While Dorothy may have proclaimed that there’s no place like home, she didn’t have a television, Internet or the new season of the “Real World” to distract her from studying for final exams. While there is definitely comfort in studying in your temporary home/ 12×18 hole in the wall, be sure to unplug, disable, throw away or destroy anything that could waste precious time.
Top five things to do to keep your brain running during a study break
1. Run
While I’m not Mr. “Let’s Get Physical,” I can definitely acknowledge that there are benefits to running. It increases the circulation and blood flow or something or other. During a break, go across the street to Audubon Park and run a mile or two, reviewing what you just studied in your head.
2. Smoke
To combat the benefits of running, light up a cigarette. Sure it’s bad for your health, but smoking combats nervous energy by giving you something to do with your hands and mouth that isn’t distracting. Not that I’m promoting tobacco use among college students, or anything.
3. Facebook
While taking a break from reviewing the Bolshevik Revolution, check your Facebook. Look at pictures, Facebook stalk that hot girl in your calculus class and talk with people who are procrastinating just like you.
4. Clean
Now’s the time to take those 15 minutes to clean up that beer stained outfit that’s been lying on the floor since you went to Bourbon two weeks ago. Cleaning stimulates energy mechanically and gives you something to focus on. As a former janitor, I can attest that this is highly effective.
5. Sex
Sex, or “love making,” uses almost all muscles in your body, including your brain. It gets the blood flowing and can also act as a release of exam anxiety. Additionally, it stimulates your brain and “other” things. Make it a quickie if you intend to finish reading those 200 pages by tomorrow morning.
Top five things to do to stay awake
1. Coffee
The characters on “Friends” drank it all the time, so it must be good. The active ingredient in coffee, caffeine, is a stimulant. Warm and delicious, the caffeine in coffee only takes five minutes to reach the body tissue. Coffee increases brain activity, and more importantly, inhibits one’s ability to fall asleep. Brew your own – it’s cheaper.
2. Energy drinks
They look and taste like urine, but energy drinks like Red Bull and Rock Star contain just about as much caffeine as coffee and have 100 milligrams of taurine. Red Bull greatly increases your heart rate, and consumers have died from excessively drinking it. Doctors recommend that you don’t consume more than two cans at a given time, but I’m not going to tell you what to do.
3. Green tea
The Japanese have sung its praises for centuries, and thanks to companies like Arizona, green tea has become the Coca-Cola of the new millennium. It contains ginseng, which stimulates energy and assists in digestion. Since green tea is a diuretic, you will be taking study breaks – a lot of them. (See the first study hot spot for a clean place to take your break.)
4. Play ridiculous games
Playing games keeps your gears turning and keeps you from thinking about sleep. You can try to name and alphabetize the 50 states, play charades or name a Madonna song for every letter of the alphabet. If you don’t like any of these suggestions, watch “Barney” for some ideas.
5. Sex
Do you see a pattern here?
Top five things to do after finals are over
1. Eat
Chances are you haven’t eaten for the past several days and are looking skinnier than Nicole Richie. Go to McDonald’s and order a Big Mac. Super size that bad boy and ask for extra secret sauce. Flirt with the cashier and she’ll give you the secret sauce and her phone number. Mmmm … you can already taste the dripping grease.
2. Party like a rock star
What kind of college survival guide would this be if partying didn’t appear at least once? But I don’t mean to just go to Tuck’s, have a few shots, make out with that kid in your religion class, throw up and head home. Party like Paris Hilton and Britney Spears – celebrity style. Ladies, wear your skirts so high that everyone can see your “See You Next Tuesday,” and gentleman, rock out with your … well you know.
3. Get a tattoo
Head over to Electric Ladyland on Carrollton and get some ink done. You’ve just been through war and should deface your body as a permanent reminder of what you have endured. Get that lower back tramp stamp or that tribal band around your arm that you’ve always dreamed about. You’ve earned it.
4. Catch up on the TV shows you missed
Since you haven’t had time to eat or sleep in the past week chances are you’ve missed your favorite television shows. Turn on your TiVo or VCR (if you remembered to press record, that is), grab some grapes and find out what everyone was doing while you were studying. Who did Alex make out with on “The Real World?” Is Dr. Burke going to be fired from Seattle Grace on “Grey’s Anatomy?” We have to know.
5. Seduce your professor
So maybe you didn’t do so hot on that history exam. How were you supposed to know that World War II was the one with the Nazis? In a last ditch effort to save your grade, speak with your professor and clarify that although you cannot provide a stimulating conversation on World War II, you certainly are talented at other things. Work it.
Justin Templet can be reached at [email protected].
General studies freshman Nick Cobar studies with his books, laptop and an Icee in the Danna Center. (Tom Macom)
Finance junior Amalia Sotto and international business and finance junior Celine Gaston study together in a private study room in Monroe Library. (Tom Macom)
