My last girlfriend caused me to miss a second-round NFC playoff game and two of last year’s NCAA Final Four games.

And why?

Because we had to solve a “crisis” in our relationship.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I took our relationship very seriously. But the crisis was all in her head.

The only crisis was my missing those games. I still can’t believe I had to watch highlights to find out the college basketball champion.

So, can someone out there tell me, is Juan Dixon that good?

You see, I’m a man and a sports fan. A big sports fan.

Wait. Before I get rolling, let me make one thing clear to the women readers out there: I’m not chauvinistic. I’m not saying you must like sports. Some girls do. Some don’t. That’s not my business.

But for all the male sports fans out there, I’m here to help you and your sports-watching with some rules as it relates to your significant other.

I suggest posting the rules in your living room (and the bathroom, to make extra sure she’ll see them).

Have you ever been watching a close game down the stretch, when all of a sudden, your girlfriend obstructs your view of the TV?

Rather than get confrontational (that’s never a good idea), I suggest this rule: allow no interruptions while the game is on.

If a woman needs assistance, why can’t it wait until a commercial break or, for more important situations, until after the game?

Some girlfriends try to be supportive by watching the game.

But, please, no poking fun at the “stupid” game, or the man for watching it. That is simply not allowed.

Oh, and you must tolerate constant channel changing. It’s just our way.

But don’t fret. Plenty is allowed. For instance, feel free to ask questions, even if they’re stupid (but not too often — say, no more than twice an inning, quarter, period, or half).

It makes the man feel important when he explains the complexities and intricacies of the sports world.

Another allowance — well, actually this should be a rule in general for women: cheer for the opposite team of the man.

It may seem to drive him crazy but deep down he really enjoys the badgering.

Now, this is important. If your team wins, rag him constantly but make sure to drop the issue once he begins to show signs of aggravation.

Intolerance of the game in question, however, is unwarranted, and we must not stand for it.

Men, do not allow her to get away with jabs such as: “Why are you watching the highlights of the game we just watched?” or “Baseball is boring” (I don’t want to ever hear that again).

And here are a couple more quick sports no-no’s for the ladies (if you have to do these to make sports interesting for you, please keep it to yourself): no cheering for a team because of its mascot or colors, and — listen to me well — you can only cheer for “cute” players if they have talent.

I hope I’ve help ease some tension between sports and relationships.

I hope I have not offended any women (I promise that was not my intention).

Oh, can you pass me my beer?