My first gay friend was a severely closeted, hip-hop dancing Bible-thumper who came out to a few friends at a party. From that day on, his popularity grew exponentially. To this day, he still stands as an unthreatening connection to all hot women and the perfect shopping partner.

This disgusts me.

So often I hear people — mostly women my age — say things like, “I want a gay best friend!” with the same kind of desire they normally reserve for an expensive pair of boots. We treat being friends with a gay man as some sort of “cool” thing to be.

But this kind of thinking dehumanizes gay men. When we think like this, we have to recognize that we are part of the problem. I sat down with a few of my gay male friends to talk about this problem only to realize that I was way behind. With so much incredible support for gay rights, it is hard to begin criticizing, so I’d like to advocate.

If you try to make friends with gay men because they are gay, your ignorance is propagating a stereotype as much as the Westborough Baptist Church protester with the picket sign.

One stereotype isn’t better than the other: you are still classifying a large group, making grand assumptions about who they are based on one minute aspect.

By glorifying the stereotype of the sassy gay bestie, you are contributing to the treatment of your “friend” as a person devoid of intellectual substance and an object of ridicule.

You are reducing a human being to an object, something with about as much value as that trendy crop top you bought at Forever 21. This will never allow them the equal rights you so claim they deserve.

So, the next time you think about going to a gay bar because you want to meet a new shopping buddy, or you ask your hairstylist out to drinks or for advice on relationships under the presumption that he is gay, just don’t.

Develop real connections with people and treat them like the multi-layered and complex beings they actually are.

Stand up for what you believe in, not because you want to be the first bridesmaid at a gay wedding but because you believe it is right for people to have equal rights.

Act like Facebook is watching and fight for equality, daily.