OPINION: Cats are empirically better


Ava Acharya

Cats Pan and Aziz cuddle up for a photograph. They don’t even need to be awake to prove that cats are better than dogs.

Nadir Benslimane, Staff Writer

The debate between cats and dogs has been going on for decades, centuries, and even eons. But I’ll finally be able to answer this question with no bias whatsoever, completely based on empirical evidence and supported by every single intellectual of our time.
The correct answer is cats; cats are the best.
Look, dogs are great. I love petting dogs and telling them that they’re good boys and girls, but they fall short in comparison to the superior pet: cats. First off, cats are much funnier than dogs. There are some question marks I’m sure, but generally dogs are funny because of their innocence and lack of awareness, but the cat adds one superior element: their smug arrogance. Cats are just as funny as dogs but they hold themselves with the air of a monarch. The dichotomy of this smugness and their absolute hijinks make them the most hilarious type of pet to have.
Now, some dog fans are still acting like their dogs are still the silliest pets, but guess who’s cuter? Sorry, but cats take the cake yet again. Have you ever seen a kitten? Kittens are literal tiny furballs with little doll eyes. Puppies are cute but kittens are just smaller, furrier, and have the cutest cries.
Maybe the cutest argument didn’t win you over, but how about this? Dogs are pretty gross. I’m sorry, but dogs slobber all over the place, their fur gets everywhere, and they have terrible hygiene. Cats, on the other hand, are too small to put slobber on you, their fur is much easier to clean up, and they even clean and groom themselves.
Dogs might have cool tricks, and they want to play with you all the time, but guess what, I’m tired all the time. I don’t have the energy to constantly walk a dog everyday, and they’re so clingy sometimes. But the lazy cat does not bother me to walk it, they merely sleep and allow me to pet them because they’re way more chill than dogs.
You might say that dogs are still way better than cats even after my empirical and scientifically proven arguments, and to that, I say you’re wrong, bozo. So, look dog owners, you lost. Cats are just superior in every single possible way, and those are just the facts. You might say I’m wrong or that I’m biased and I don’t like dogs and dogs are the best, but you know what? Cats rule, and dogs drool.