There I was: stuck on my own 1-yard line. My idiot kick returner had received the ball at the 35-yard line, retreated, and walked out of bounds just before the wrong end zone.

But did I get mad at him?

You bet I didn’t.

You see, my main dilemma of the possession wasn’t how to avoid a safety but rather which play to pick to score the 99-yard touchdown.

After a few seconds, I selected the A and up buttons.

Bo Jackson took the handoff, ran through the hole and zigzagged his way to a 99-yard touchdown run, leaving defenders diving in his wake.

Do you remember those days? The days of the great Tecmo Super Bowl?

I sure do. I played this morning.

Madden NFL tends to get more realistic every year and adds features such as “franchise mode,” but the product will never compare to Tecmo, the greatest video game ever.

It’s like comparing a Burger King hamburger to a Ruth’s Chris steak. Sure, Burger King charcoal-grills its burgers to a sizzling perfection, but would you ever choose that over a filet mignon from Ruth’s? (assuming they both cost the same).

Perhaps the redeeming quality of the game is its simplicity. For instance, the offense and defense both select from an eight-play play book.

Or maybe it’s that strategy plays such a key role in such a seemingly plain game. If the defense picks the same play as the offense, then an 11-man blitz occurs. Thus, the offense is constantly thinking to avoid picking the same play as the defense.

As in many games, there are certain things that a player can do that can’t be stopped.

On defense, pick the center. After the snap, hold the down button and then quickly dive at the quarterback for a sack.

Then on offense, one receiver will most likely be wide open on every play. If not, run with the quarterback and gain several yards. Heck, Dan Marino can consistently scramble for four yards.

Generally, the computer is not hard to defeat. Especially if you pick the San Francisco 49ers, whose receivers John Taylor and Jerry Rice can catch balls while surrounded by defenders.

I’ve made it my goal to win the Super Bowl on the game with every team. I’m not there yet. But eight teams have been scratched off the list.

Even the Saints are decent in this game. They have Eric Martin, Dalton Hilliard, and Gil Fenerty, the best return man in the game.

My friends and I used to play tournaments and stay up all night. My strategy was to pick the Raiders or the Lions, have my opponent think I would run with Bo Jackson or Barry Sanders, and fool him with the pass.

Wait, this is giving me a terrific idea. A Loyola Tecmo Super Bowl tournament. If you think you have Tecmo game, I’ll show you differently as long as I can be player one. Player two has to play offense the wrong way.

Yeah, the game has flaws and is simpler than Intro to the Internet, but that’s part of the reason I’d rather play that game than Madden.

Steak always makes me feel like I’ve had a taste of heaven.