Whoa, girl, keep that top on. It’s not time to tan in the quad yet. But, since you’re not preoccupied with schoolwork or anything lame like that, you could at least check out these hot new singles. Maybe you can learn about how much you’ve missed not listening to the radio. After all, the single is the Bethlehem of pop music, whatever that means.
Prince, “Te Amo Corazon”
Prince’s umpteenth incarnation isn’t essential, but it’s welcome. This one’s a far cry from the shiny backyard funk of “Musicology.” It’s a candlelight party of fabulous Latin percussion and subtle guitar. You can feel the sand blow in your face when Prince mentions, “from the dust of the earth, and the knowledge tree.” Trumpets creep towards Prince’s beep-bop-ba-dooping guitar solo, making way for a glorious dénouement. Te Amo Corazon is cheese, but the kind of cheese your parents like and you can’t afford.
Black Eyed Peas ft. Q-Tip, Talib Kweli, Cee-Lo, and John Legend, “Like That”
If I’ve learned anything from Mr. Will I Am of BEP, it’s that playing to the lowest common denominator ensures success. The running formula: white bread bounce + overwhelming list of guest stars + 2nd grade rhyming = airplay. I thought the loaded preaching of “true hip-hop” was long gone, but BEP keeps it strong just in time for the next Toyota mini-van commercial or something. I loathe talking about guest stars; Kweli left his best performance back in ’99, and he’s the least of the disappointments. “Like That” is a massacre that will make BEP a lot of money, if anyone under 20 can remember who the hell Q-tip is.
Beyonce ft. Slim Thug and Bun B., “Check Up On It”
Damn, this is hot. Slim Thug could convince your mother, “Good girls gotta get down with the gangstas.” Beyonce’s friends from the burgeoning Houston scene make her sound classier than ever before. Look out, the chorus will hook you like a case of Pixy Stix. Nah, I’m not tired of handclaps and floor stomps; I’m left wondering whether Beyonce actually says “P’poppin.” Be grateful the pop queen was so kind.
The Flaming Lips, “The W.A.N.D.”
Pardon me, the sound dimensions are all screwed up. There’s an intense amount of reverb here. Maybe it’s just the crappy streaming quality. The kings of brand-name psychedelic-rock are strolling down your block again. They’re armed to the teeth with elementary piano chords and that big fuzzy guitar we just can’t seem to get enough of. This isn’t another Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots B-side that was magically lost. Then again, “the W.A.N.D.” isn’t anything new either. It’s the next logical step in The Flaming Lips’ career; this time they actually realize how old they are, and decide to play rock music anyway. If you weren’t interested before, move along.
Yellowcard “Lights and Sounds”
Blah, blah, and more blah. Boring song structure with even more boring chord progression. There’s barely enough content to speak of. “Stop, turn, take a look around.” The singer (whose name will not be mentioned) takes breaks between puking generic rock choruses to distort his voice and puke other generic rock lyrics. Your stereo may turn this one off in the name of your intellectual well being.
Cody Gaspard can be reached at [email protected].
