Lately, I have seriously been pondering the naming of things. How much do names really affect their owners lives?
If Elvis Presley had been named Ernst, would girls still have screamed his name as he gyrated his gold lamé-clad hips? Had Henry Ford been named Henry Snodgrass, would people today proudly drive around in all-American pick-ups from Snodgrass Motors? If my parents had chosen a name for me that was not two letters off from the breakfast cereal Honey Combs, would I still be the person I am today?
What got me thinking about the importance of names was not actually a person but a tropical storm. When I heard that there was a possibility that a storm called Gaston could be wreaking havoc on cities, I was immediately terrified.
My exact thoughts were: “Not Gaston! For there’s no one as burly or brawny! Gaston has got biceps to spare! We’re all doomed!”
The image of Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast” villain tromping on buildings with his massive leather boots and ripping apart houses with his roughly barge-sized muscles, whipped through my mind.
After researching storm names, I was saddened that the official list of names recycled every six years by the National Hurricane Center leaves out several names which I think many would consider perfect for tropical storms and hurricanes. Personally, I can think of no names better suited for natural disasters than Jafar, Maleficent, Shere Khan and Claude Frollo.
Also, the official list of names includes several that I found to be mediocre when applied to hurricanes, such as “Karl” and “Bill.”
It is not that Karl is not a good, strong name. It is just that I would rather be able to tell people that my home was ravaged by a menacing force of nature called Cruella, than say that everything I own was destroyed by a storm that shares a name with my used-car salesman uncle.
Some of the names from the list, like “Gert,” just do not seem to fit. To me, Gert sounds like the name of a sweet, old lady who knits her grandkids sweaters and who can bake a blackberry cobbler like nobody’s business, not someone who causes families to flee from their homes in terror.
When I think “Jerry,” I either think of the hilarious ‘90s sitcom starring Jerry Seinfeld, or I picture a pint of delicious New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream via Ben and Jerry’s.
Why chance forever tarnishing the positive connotation of the good name Jerry by calling an evil whirling force of destruction Hurricane Jerry? Why not go with a name that is already tainted with wickedness, a name like Hurricane Captain Hook? Why not Hurricane Scar?
Perhaps my life would not differ dramatically, had I been named Wanda or Ophelia, but I think everyone’s lives would be a little bit better if hurricanes were given more menacing names.
Holly Combs can be reached at [email protected]
