I’ve got an extra spot on my intramural roster, and I’m thinking Shawn Kemp.
I know it’s a bold move, well after the weight problem and his tinkering with marijuana, but I’m ready to take the risk. Plus, Jordan stopped returning my calls after I suggested he make a third comeback for our sake.
Or so it goes for the injury-plagued Dallas Mavericks. The recent loss of Keith Van Horn to a broken right hand, the Mavs have five players on the injured list and are desperate. They have sought out Santa Kemp.
Since money is not an issue, as Octavia’s team captain, I’m prepared to counter what ever the Mavs have to offer with Wolfbucks.
Kemp has been noted as saying that he wants this second chance to cement his position in the NBA Hall of Fame. Forget about a Hall, how about a street.
Most recently, a Seattle judge sentenced him in May 2005 to five days of electronic home monitoring, a year’s probation and a $440 fine after he pleaded guilty to attempted possession of more than 40 grams of marijuana.
As a signing bonus, I’ll throw in brownies.
The Mavs are less than thrilled about their dependence on signing a free agent late in the season.
“This is uncomfortable,” Mavs owner Mark Cuban told The Star-Telegram. “You can go through 100 different scenarios you’d rather be in, but it is what it is.”
I’m thinking this scenario: 6-foot-10 Kemp leading the rag-tag Octavians to victory.
Why Kemp is better off on my intramural team than the Mavs:
Weight is not an issue. In fact, we’re all overweight. Forget about the rigorous training and demanding game schedule, we play on Tuesdays.
No dress code, Loyola provides the jerseys. Outside of the court, I don’t care if you’re butt naked-we often resort to nakedness for just a pure intimidation factor.
New Orleans versus Dallas – the food is just that much better.
New Orleans versus NBA – we stand by our substance abuse problem.
We just don’t care. Everything is game as long as you dunk. Heck, we don’t care if we win, as long as you dunk.
It’s been three years since he suited up in an NBA jersey, which is about the time any of us have played any organized sport.
Forget about competing for playing time with Dirk Nowitzki and Josh Howard. Instead, Santa Kemp would likely find more PT with the likes of Bob “I bring the” Payne and center Matt Maisak standing tall at 6’3″.
Among the five-time all-star’s highlights are franchise records with the Sonics’ as the all-time leader in blocks. He’s 2nd all time in rebounds and fourth in points. Santa Kemp also has a gold medal under his belt with Dream Team II at the 1994 World Championships of Basketball in Toronto and led the Sonics to the 1996 NBA Finals against the Chicago Bulls.
Naturally, he’s a perfect fit with us.
