Christian Bale once played a 12-year-old choirboy in Hong Kong. He once played a singing paperboy. He once played a chainsaw-toting Wall Street serial-killer.
But he fails to impress in the new film “Harsh Times.” In fact, it’s worse than that: He downright disappoints.
Brought to the screen by “Training Day” writer and producer David Ayer, the film focuses on two complete idiots as they fumble their way through life in the over-dramatized mean streets of L.A.
Bale plays out-of-work Army Ranger Jim Davis, whose expertise in the art of death is introduced within the first minutes of the film. As the film progresses, the effects of the military life increasingly weigh on his stamina and mental stability, and his downfall into insanity brings him into the cliché underworld of criminals that we’re supposed to believe saturate and pollute Los Angeles.
Alongside Davis is his best friend Mike Alonzo (Freddy Rodriguez), a man with no will power of his own, who, after one glance at his stupidity and impressionability, can be judged as lucky to be alive.
How bad is this movie?
First of all, the dialogue is so atrocious it must have been written by a high school freshman who spends his time learning social skills by watching MTV rap videos after class. I never thought the day would come when we would hear Bale say “homegirl,” or refer to his friend as “my dog.” Despite his otherwise superb acting, he just looks stupid trying to pull it off. Go back to Wall Street, Christian Bale.
Beyond that, the conversations are so pathetically organized, the audience in the screening was laughing at the film’s most dramatic points. No matter how hard I tried to take the movie seriously, it just couldn’t be done.
Second, none of the character relationships are even remotely believable. For example, Alonzo’s girlfriend Sylvia (Eva Longoria) is a successful criminal lawyer, supporting him and his drug habit while he sits around the house in an Armani suit, or steals her CDs and sells them on the street for extra cash. Something just doesn’t add up there.
Even more ridiculous is that Alonzo stays with Davis through all of his insanity and idiocy. There’s not a single moment of action that goes by when Alonzo doesn’t question Davis’s decisions – stealing from a street-corner dealer, mugging a quartet of thugs, doing coke lines all day when he’s supposed to be looking for a job – and yet it’s not until the very last scene when he grows past the point of the soldier boy’s lackey.
Third, it seemed as though writer-director Ayer was trying to say something about the stress war puts on a man. But, no. He didn’t get the point across. The only thing anyone took from the film was that Ayer thinks people who live in L.A. speak Spanish and aren’t smart enough to tie shoes.
Finally, those who watch the film knowing Ayer’s past will see nothing but a repetition of previous projects. The plot structure was another attempt at “Training Day,” including the portrayal of anyone who remotely speaks Spanish as a participant in street pharmacy. Try something new, David Ayer.
After what seemed like four hours of forcing myself to stay in the chair, the ending finally came around in this less-than two-hour joke. It was weak, predictable and above all, moronic. Just by watching the trailer online, anyone can make an accurate assumption as to how it ends.
And yes, it was a happy ending: The lights came on and the audience got to leave. If only there was something good to say about this film. But there’s not. Christian Bale will look back on this as his darkest hour. Don’t see this film. You will lose so much respect for the man. I have to watch “American Psycho” again just to remember how much I like him as an actor.
Colin Lacy can be reached at [email protected].
