As a little girl, I envisioned my 20-year-old self as someone with an apartment, a small dog, a live-in boyfriend and a wardrobe full of pant suits. But now that I actually am 20 – and my part-time job selling body lotion can’t pay for rent, pets or professional attire, much less another person – I feel a quarter-life crisis coming on.

All I need is a real job that will afford me the yuppie lifestyle I’ve always dreamed of. But I’ve come to the realization that finding one will be nearly impossible for the next few years.

For college students, job hunting is a perpetual cycle of rejection. To snag that first job, they want you to have prior job experience, which is something you don’t have. And apparently peddling over-priced beauty products at Bath and Body Works doesn’t satisfy that requirement.

With seemingly no way of ever entering the workforce, it looks like I’m left with two options: I have to either reevaluate my talents and abilities, or have an affair with the editor of a major publication.

Since I seek to maintain at least a small ounce of integrity, I think I’ll go with the former option.

Lately I’ve been examining my other talents in order to decide on a suitable alternative career path. And I think that my only two marketable qualities are my ability to compose really fantastic mix CDs and my love for pop culture. This narrows my potential careers down to the mastermind behind the “NOW!” compilations or a frequent guest on “Best Week Ever.”

But the fact that I’m not a bad comedian or washed up former sitcom star might render me ineligible for a spot on Vh1. And since most people would rather steal music than buy it off of TV, compilation CDs will soon be obsolete.

Since I can’t rely on my talents to get employed, I should probably just forsake my dignity and seek out a lucrative, yet easy to attain, job. I could consider careers in telemarketing, reality television or prostitution. And as far as I know, those jobs neither require skill or prior experience. I also hear that drug trafficking is a profitable venture.

And I know that I shouldn’t subject myself to life on the streets or on “Elimidate” just yet, but I’m just trying to avoid having that terrible job I’m supposed to have before I can do what I want. Honestly, I’d rather just bypass obituary writing and start earning a six-figure salary.

But I have at least two years until I’m thrust into the real world, so maybe now isn’t the time to be worrying about jobs. College is probably the last opportunity for all of us to enjoy life before it turns into “Office Space,” so I should probably take advantage of the freedom and four-hour work days it allows.

Hopefully this crisis will be resolved and I’ll go back to being a directionless 20-year-old. Or maybe I’ll be selling cocaine or auditioning for a spot on “The Real World.”