It’s story time, children.

Once upon a time, a few days ago, I was sitting on the rocking chairs outside of the Danna Student Center, having a cigarette after the grind of classes and thinking how great it was to not have to stand out in the pouring rain to do so.

This feeling was amplified by the fact that it was extremely cold at this point, so cold that I had two shirts and a hoody on under my peacoat, and I was doing whatever it took to manage my hand-rolled cigarette without having to take my gloves off.

Everything was dandy – cold, but dandy – until an LUPD officer dropped by and informed me that someone who had passed by had complained about my smoking in the area, and that I had to move to a designated smoking area…in the rain. I could have cried.

Now if you’re like me, you’re about six feet tall, have long, dirty-blonde hair, wish you could grow a full beard and, most importantly, you smoke copious amounts of tobacco, somewhere around a pack a day.

I’m sure a lot of other smokers have felt my pain at being herded into limited designated areas around campus, especially since this cold, wet weather has come about.

After much deliberation, coffee and of course, cigarettes, I have come up with a smoker’s list of policy initiatives that I think all Loyola smokers will agree with, whether they know they do or not.

First, I believe it’s time to establish smoking areas that are covered. The closest Loyola has to offer is the Carrollton bench, which gets showered through the gaping hole between the ceiling and Buddig if it so much as drizzles outside.

Secondly, I think that either the rocking chair area should be made a designated smoking area or that the chairs should be moved to a place that smokers can convene. They are far too comfortable to not be smoked in.

Finally, I am in full agreement with my suitemate Wolfgang Klein in his suggestion that all smoking areas should also be labeled as, “No Non-Smoking Areas.”

Few things are quite as dismaying as coming down to the only “covered” smoking bench while it’s freezing and raining, only to find that a group of giggling sorority girls has overwhelmed the only place a smoker can take a load off comfortably at all.

Please, Loyola, consider these propositions, and don’t punish us smokers so terribly because of our vice; there’ll be time enough for consequences when we’re fifty or so.

Richard Carlile is a biology sophomore. He can be reached at [email protected]