First dates suck. I don’t know why, but I think there’s a rule that says they have to be awkward.

First, there’s immediate uneasiness when you get picked up.

I never know what to do. Do I give him a handshake, a hug, or, if I’m in New Orleans, a kiss on the cheek?

What do I do?

Then you have to get in the car. Is he going to open the door?

Maybe he’ll try, but I will have already opened my own door.

Maybe he won’t, and I’ll just be standing there like a complete idiot while he’s already in.

He might be worried that I’ll be offended if he opens my door, like I couldn’t do it myself.

Or maybe he’s worried I’ll be offended if he doesn’t open it.

And remember, all of this is within the first five minutes.

It can only get better from here, right?

Well, once both parties are finally in the car and ready to go, there’s a radio situation. On or off?

If he asks what kind of music I want to listen to, I’ll say that it doesn’t matter, and all the time I’ll be hoping and praying this guy doesn’t turn on country because Lord knows it’s already a little strange, and adding country music to the mix could be the death of me.

He could be thinking my not caring really means I want to listen to county music; I’m just too embarrassed to tell him such a thing on a first date.

Skip to dinner.

There are hundreds of little moments of silence, and I think we can all agree that this is possibly the most awkward part of the night.

Both of us are just sitting there, racking our brains to try and find some topic that doesn’t sound stupid.

Conversation on a first date is all meaningless chitchat anyway.

You’re not comfortable enough with each other to discuss things that matter to you, and you have to avoid topics that could start an argument.

This leaves out politics, religion and football. So what, then, do you talk about?

Now, after suffering through awkward silences and meaningless chitchat, the bill comes. I never know what I’m supposed to do here.

Do I offer to pay for my half, showing that I’m an independent woman who doesn’t need a guy to pay for me? Or do I let him take care of it?

And what does he want me to do? Does he think he should pay for all of it, or would he like for me to pay for half?

And really, how do you ask such a thing without sounding ridiculous or cheap?

Now, the end of the date.

Do you kiss or hug, or nothing?

What if he goes for a kiss as you go for a hug and you bump heads?

That’s not only embarrassing, but painful. At least it’s over, though.

Oh well.

You have to get through the first date to get to the even more awkward second date, so I’ll just have to deal with it.