Everybody smile, it’s that time again. It’s time to replace that junk (Katrina debris) in the neutral ground with campaign signs (political debris). It’s time for the yahoos, street preachers, panhandlers and that guy who hangs out in front of the Rite Aid to start campaigning for political office. It’s time for attack ads and puff pieces, simultaneously branding a candidate Benito Mussolini and Mother Teresa. It’s election time in New Orleans and odds are, thanks to our open primary system, you’re a candidate. Unfortunately for you it may be too late in the race to throw your hat in the ring with any real authority, but fortunately for us there is no shortage of entertaining and, we can only hope, qualified candidates in the mayoral race. While there are officially 24 candidates running for mayor, let’s take a look at the 10 who stand out the most.
C. RAY NAGIN
Remember the good old days, when all people really made fun of Nagin for was his cable access show? You know, “Hi, I’m Ray Nagin. How may I be of assistance to you?” It seems like a long time ago, doesn’t it? Now we have “Get off your asses!” and “Chocolate City” and “None of the other 23 candidates look like us.”
When he’s not putting his foot in his mouth, the mayor is actually capable of doing great things, like his anti-corruption campaign in city hall. Back before he was creating sound bites that made all of Uptown shiver in fear, Nagin had this gem about his cousin, who was implicated in the taxi cab bureau scandals: “If he’s guilty, arrest him.”
The ugly truth about Nagin is that he’s done a pretty good job as mayor; he did what he promised he would by fighting corruption in city hall – he’s just insane.
KIMBERLY WILLIAMSON BUTLER
Speaking of insane, let’s just get this one out in the open. If Mayor Nagin is Willy Wonka, Kimberly Williamson Butler, “The Inmate’s Choice,” is a Payday – unpopular, not that good for your health and full of nuts. Let’s review for a minute what positive things Butler has done for the city: She got fired from city hall, she failed to get voting machines to the polls by election day, her refusal to accept government assistance delayed the fair trials and due process of several New Orleanians arrested before Katrina and … that’s about it. I guess you’d have to ask her what other great things she’s done. One thing is for sure, she would not be shy about telling you.
Fresh off a three-day stint in Orleans Parish Prison, Butler declared herself a political prisoner and a freedom fighter along the lines of Rosa Parks, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr. and Nelson Mandela. To say that’s a bit of a stretch is an understatement. Butler couldn’t even compare herself to Josef Stalin; at least he got the trains moving on time.
MITCH LANDRIEU
It’s no surprise that politics is in Mitch Landrieu’s blood – his father Moon was mayor from 1970-78. Landrieu is obviously the pre-eminent politician in this race. The Lieutenant Governor doesn’t just work rooms, restaurants and banquet halls; Landrieu works elevators and restrooms, too. If you’re not careful about what stall you choose, your next trip to the bathroom could result in a lecture on Landrieu’s five campaign “principles” on making New Orleans a safe city, a smart city, an accountable city, a caring city and a world city. And one more thing: It’s New Orleans, Mitch, not New Or-lee-ans. How long have you lived here now?
RON FORMAN
Forman or, as Mayor Nagin calls him, “The Zookeeper,” has an amazing track record of turning around moribund businesses and public trusts such as the Audubon Zoo. Forman also helped turn around the warehouse district and build the Aquarium of the Americas. Forman is an excellent businessman and by far the most qualified to run a city. So why isn’t Ron running away with the race? On the charisma scale, Ron ranks somewhere between Al Gore and Bob Dole.
VIRGINIA BOULET
A lawyer by trade, Boulet has a simple platform: To recover, the city should issue tax-exempt revenue bonds to help rebuild its housing stock. Boulet says she decided to run because she was dissatisfied with Mayor Nagin’s strategy to bring businesses back to the city, which is funny because it doesn’t seem like Nagin has a strategy at all.
LEO WATERMEIER
According to Watermeier’s campaign Web site, one of his plans for New Orleans is to save 5 percent of the city’s “waste,” which includes city cars, public relations costs and entertainment. He wants to redirect the city’s budget into restoring “parks, playgrounds and libraries.” Brilliant idea, Leo, because outdoor activity is what we need to jumpstart the economy again.
ROB COUHIG
A former co-owner of the New Orleans Zephyrs, Couhig has a knack for getting big projects done, such as getting the necessary funding for Zephyr Field. If elected, Couhig has some interesting ideas, like keeping city hall open 24/7 – this seems like a good idea, until you realize we can’t even keep the Rite Aid open past 10 p.m.
JAMES AREY
I’m sorry, James, you seem like a nice guy, but what made you think www.arey2006fabulous.com was a serious-sounding name for a Web site? You’re running for mayor, not student council president. You give off that uneasy feeling that, if elected, your first official act would be to give everyone in city hall a lesson on interior design.
THE REV. TOM WATSON
You want to set up satellite city halls in cities with more than 5,000 displaced residents, which is nice until you think about what that sets up: more safe-havens for bureaucrats. We have enough trouble with corruption in one city hall. Do we really need more?
PEGGY WILSON
Angry Uptown housewives unite. Oprah has been overthrown, and Peggy is your leader now – just don’t drink her Kool-Aid.
Chucak Alexander can be reached at [email protected].
