Right now, there is a Mary-shaped lump on my couch directly opposite my television.

I’m mesmerized by the war coverage and have become a slave to CNN.

So much so, that I have a theory that Connie Chung and Wolf Blitzer are actually the same person.

Something doesn’t feel right.

I’d like to believe that watching hours upon hours of news is helping me contribute to the greater good; however, I – and feel free to correct me – have reason to doubt it.

It’s not that I’m not doing my part for Iraqi freedom.

I wear my American flag T-shirt.

But I can’t help feeling that there must be something more I can do.

Sure, I can pray. And I do.

But although it is rumored to move mountains, it still has failed to both stop the leak in my kitchen and give me my own television show.

It’s entirely possible I’m doing it wrong, but in case I’m not, I’d like to explore my options.

A friend of mine is fasting every few days for peace, and I’d heard of someone going so far as to give up speaking entirely until the war is over.

So I thought maybe I could give something up for peace, too.

Since fasting is so last month, I decided to start with not going to class.

It seems unfair and selfish for me to be studying and doing homework at a time like this.

My professors don’t see it that way.

My attempt to stop going to work in an effort to keep the peace was also unsuccessful.

As it turns out, when I don’t go to work, my boss tends not to pay me.

Someone suggested I give up dating charming, intelligent men who shower me with attention, but that in itself has been somewhat of a lifelong peace-promoting effort.

So earlier this week, I did the only thing I feel I still have the power to do: I turned off my television (and thus a little piece of my heart).

I know it is passive-aggressive, and that avoiding the war coverage probably is not helping me free Iraq, but it’s not hurting either; and as bonuses, I’ve freed up six hours of my day and I get to hold on to my sanity.

My name is Mary Lorenz.

It’s been four days now since my last “Larry King Live,” and the circulation is starting to come back to my legs and feet.

I’m going to be… okay.