Hollywood has been locked into its turbulent marriage with comic books for a number of years now, converting every hero and villain into live representations. The pairing is fairly obvious, as comic books, or graphic novels, rely on similar ideas of visual appearance, as do many Hollywood films.
There have been a number of success stories in this genre, such as the “Spiderman” and “X-Men” movies. However, looking on the most recent string of comic book movies, it appears that the genre may be close to implosion.
“Constantine” is the newest mistake to emerge from the Hollywood/comic book marriage. Not surprisingly, it stars Keanu Reeves.
The story follows John Constantine (Reeves), a man with the ability to see supernatural beings, the usual angels and demons, who are in a continual struggle over human lives. Turns out that God and the devil made a bet and are using humans as their bargaining chips.
Constantine is the main exorcist but is sentenced to hell because he committed suicide in his youth. Rachel Weisz is a detective who asks John to investigate the death of her twin sister, who she believes was murdered by evil demons. And the son of Satan is trying to use the Spear of Destiny to come and take over the Earth because he is impatient and can’t wait until Satan’s designated time, which makes Satan really angry. Sound ridiculous? Well, it is.
The major problem with the film is that there is an unbelievable amount of mythology stuffed into two hours – most of it perverted Catholic doctrine or Milton-esque religious bombast.
Not only does most of the plot not make sense, but it also is uninterestingly cliché. Spear of Destiny? Oh yeah, the spear that penetrated Christ on the cross but with a really stupid name.
Son of Satan? “South Park” did a recent episode on the same subject and made it a lot more interesting and entertaining. A bulk of the problem lies with the writing, which is bland and disingenuously devoid of emotional impact. With so much information to convey, the dialogue feels like a manual or a listing as opposed to an actual story.
While this should excuse the actors a little, it doesn’t compensate for any of the performances. Keanu Reeves is in his “Neo” role once again, except this time he smokes a lot of cigarettes and has a sarcastic comment or two. Rachel Weisz is not compelling at all, and spends an inordinate amount of time immersed in water wearing a white shirt.
As with most of the comic book movies that have come out, “Constantine” is directed by first time director Francis Lawrence. His only previous work is with music videos and commercials, another common feature for movies of this genre. While these films might be good breaks for these directors, their products have not been good. Much of this movie feels like a music video: lots of cutting, close ups and fast action, which makes for a dizzying and unfocused movie.
The special effects are decently generated but are nothing spectacular. For example, when characters visit heaven and hell, it’s just Los Angeles with less smog or more fire.
Overall, the film has a good premise with horrible execution, which is a shame because there is so much possible with the subject. It would qualify for an ironically funny film if the entire movie was not boring and dull.
Perhaps, as the film portrays an endtime scenario for humanity, this movie portrays an endtime scenario for comic book movies.
Jason Bolte can be reached at [email protected].
