For those of you reading this issue of The Maroon in the middle of Friday afternoon, I have one question to ask.
What are you doing reading me? It’s March Madness, people. Has the madness not gripped you yet?
Yes, it’s the best time of the year for a sports fan. Nothing beats that first weekend of hoops where you flip on CBS and see what seems to be hundreds of games going on at the same time. And of course, we have our brackets.
Everyone fills out a bracket. If you work, there’s an office pool. Ahem, for entertainment purposes only, of course. I never fail to obsess over this seemingly trivial thing before the first round. And it’s never gotten me to a win. Second place a couple times, but that only got my five bucks back. Um, I mean, my entertainment purposes.
Every year I make my picks, but I get bored with them. And I try to win the bracket pool by throwing out zany curveballs.
Like the name suggests, March Madness literally drives me insane. It’s never enough for me to try to win. I have to try to win in dramatic fashion, trying to fool everyone.
So, no more. I’m going to find the cause of my March Madness by charting myself day by day. It’s very scientific.
Sunday. “The bracket’s released, baby!” This is my first and final bracket. It’s easy as pie. Illinois and Carolina breeze through their regions. Washington’s a No. 1 seed? Committee overreaction, I say. I’m taking ACC tested Wake Forest from that region. And for my curveball, Syracuse is knocking off Duke behind Gerry McNamara and getting to the final weekend. Illinois defeats Syracuse in the finals.
Monday. I have the exact same Final Four as Andy Katz. Even Katz basically admitted on ESPN that agreeing with his picks was bracket suicide. Jay Bilas also has Syracuse upsetting Duke, along with everyone else in the Western world. And Carolina’s Rashad McCants isn’t at 100 percent. How did I not take that into account?
Ugh, my Final Four picks even match ESPN’s national bracket, minus Duke. When did I get this boring? I can’t take Carolina out of it, though.
Tuesday. Carolina’s out in the elite eight. That’s the ticket. Wait, they could just have been sandbagging it down the stretch. They’re going to flip on the switch, I know it. No, no, they can’t without a healthy McCants.
Geez, Washington’s not a popular pick at all. Everyone loves Chris Paul and Wake. Or they like Gonzaga. Not I. Gonzaga was my national title pick last year. Stop laughing. That second round loss to Nevada emotionally scarred me.
Taking the Huskies to the Final Four would be like stealing a No. 1 seed as a free upset special. Arizona coach Lute Olson called them the quickest team he’s ever seen. That’s it, Huskies in the Final Four. Nobody will see it coming.
As for Carolina, they’re not out sooner than the elite eight. Taking a team as stacked as Carolina out that early is far too risky.
Wednesday. Florida over Carolina in the Sweet 16. How did I miss this upset before now? Florida’s been one of the most talented teams in the nation year after year, but they never played defense like this before. In fact, Florida’s going all the way to the Final Four. I’ve sold myself on it.
Thursday. Florida, Illinois, Syracuse and Washington are my Final Four. Illinois over Syracuse stuck.
Now, hopefully someone will come to the asylum I’m stuck in and update me on my bracket’s progress.
