It’s 3 a.m. on a Tuesday, and the shouts and screams are getting louder. You huddle in your bed, door locked, nervously praying for the commotion to pass. What evils lurk outside your mauve-colored walls?

Take a deep breath and put on your shoes. It’s not a zombie outbreak or a hostage situation, just your neighbors returning from their nightly jaunts. You remember that you’re not only in college, you’re in college in New Orleans.

If the sacred rite of passage of freshman year is beginning to seem more like a test of your sleeping prowess, your liver’s endurance or stomach’s pain threshold, take heart. There are a few things you can do to not only come to grips with your recklessly noisy and academically struggling neighbors, but partake in their jaunts and survive as well.

The lax enforcement of New Orleans’ drinking laws is something to behold. Perhaps it’s only because New Orleans’ finest have bigger things to focus on (triple homicides and such), or maybe it’s because they just don’t care. Whatever the reason, any individual that looks at least slightly over the age of eight is free to enter any number of bars in the Uptown area and order themselves a brew.

Of course, there are a number of things that one must take into account before engaging in such illegal activities. The lack of safety in the Crescent City is certainly of high priority. With an unofficial ranking as one of the country’s murder capitals, you have to be vigilant on the streets of your new home. Do not take a stroll by yourself at night. Though you may be “that guy,” you’re going to have to get used to the buddy system. Girls, do not go out just with your female friends, as tempting as it may be. Take along a couple of guys just for good measure. (To note: this is not intended in any shape or form to be a sexist statement, so feminists, please put the pen, paper and envelopes away now. I have more than enough to read at the moment and don’t need any more hate mail.) At the end of the night, avoid walking home by yourself. Not every man is a Casanova, nor every woman a Monroe, but you can at least pretend to take interest in someone at the bar, if only to use them as a bodyguard/escort.

Gastronomic delights abound in this city, and it doesn’t take much to find them. The Orleans Room pizzas will get old rather quickly, so treat yourself to something nourishing that can’t be paid for with Wolfbucks. Head on over to Maple Street before dark and try one of Favori’s amazing po-boys, or take a date out to Fresco’s for a nice meal. Freret Street Café also provides some great grub at very reasonable prices. You can always catch the shuttle over to Cabra Hall and dine on some delicious (and payable with Wolfbucks) fried catfish from Dunbar’s. You’ll never want for good food in this city, unless you’re not adventurous.

New Orleans is famed for one thing above all, and no, that’s not bare breasts during Mardi Gras. The city has a healthy and amazingly diverse musical tradition, with shows going on every night of the week. Pick yourself up a copy of “Where Y’at” and scout out some shows. Never heard of the band? Doesn’t matter. In this city’s venues, you usually have to be pretty decent to land a gig. Even if the music isn’t really your thing, you’ll still have a great time, because New Orleanians sure know how to throw a show.

So just keep your wits about you, and stay smart and adventurous. Don’t let the abundant earthly delights distract you from why you’re here in the first place. But at the same time, you’re in college and are supposed to be able to live a little.

John Sequeira can be reached at [email protected].