You may have once been victim to the classic scenario of a middle school gym teacher-turned-sadist. You know the type: the one that made you run extra laps when he noticed you panting behind the rest of the class during the excruciatingly painful mile run, or thought it was healthy to aim a little verbal abuse your way now and then (“Pick up the pace, Shamu!”) to get your athleticism really kicking.
If so, you’re actually lucky, because it’s probable you’ve never been violently pelted with basketballs or buffeted between the legs with a bat to ensure you’re wearing the proper athletic gear (boys only, of course).
In the gruesomely funny comedy that is “Mr. Woodcock,” I found myself laughing more at the Nazi-esque P.E. tactics of gym coach Mr. Woodcock (Billy Bob Thornton) than I expected.
Mr. Woodcock, figure of fear and source of countless young “gelatinous” boys’ adolescent woe, takes physical education more seriously than needed and often resorts to unusual methods of punishment, like making the audibly wheezing kid “take a lap” to “lose the asthma” or making Sean William Scott’s character, John, strip in front of the whole class because he didn’t have his uniform.
Ironically, Mr. Woodcock is being named “Educator of the Year,” a title that not only awards the town respect but a personal pan pizza in his name as well. The small town quirks and jokes make this movie fun and easy to laugh at, with a trio of talented actors to deliver such humor.
Although still excelling in the comedic genre, Scott’s character is not at all like the sex-crazed Stifler from the American Pie series; rather, John transforms his troubled, self-doubting youth into an inspirational author complete with his smiling (not to mention, slim) face on the glossy cover of his self-help book.
John discovers his mother, played by Susan Sarandon, is dating and completely enamored with Mr. Woodcock, and thereafter, several primitive man battles ensue, each trying to prove to the other he is stronger and smarter. At the annual “Cornival,” Woodcock triumphs in petty traditional carnival games (i.e. Whack-a-Mole), but John finally trumps him in the corn on the cob-eating contest, of which he was once a six-time champion.
In a final show of testosterone, John proves himself a man to Woodcock by manifesting his deep-rooted psychological issues into serious gym teacher ass-kicking, consisting of metal chair abuse (far more satisfying than anything you’d see on WWF) and a body slam that sends Woodcock to the hospital.
Throughout the movie, John uses excuses as extreme as “he used to touch me,” all in a desperate attempt to break up his mother and Woodcock. It’s a series of events both entertaining and comical and will have the audience rooting for John to finally overcome his nightmare-inducing past.
Doesn’t that sound funny?
That’s a rhetorical question.
Give me a set of ten.
Push-ups, that is.
Contact Info: Melodie George can be reached at [email protected].
