I will write one column about Hurricane She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named not because I want to, but because CNN has incurred my wrath.

I feel, as most journalists do, that the media should act as a watchdog and strive to hold those in power accountable for their actions. Generally the attention of the media falls upon the shady activities of certain Republican congressmen, but this time my spotlight of shame flashes with the brilliance of a thousand suns on one of our own.

I recall Sunday, Aug. 28, 2005. That night I found myself at my home in Baton Rouge with six friends. We had engaged in the obligatory hours of interstate battle to reach my house the day before, and we had been in good spirits until the news reminded us that Katrina was big and would hit in the morning.

We got a little freaked out. There were no meteorology students in sight, yet we all had opinions on how much damage the hurricane could inflict, and our combined anxiety grew until two geniuses in the group decided to turn to the media for comfort. Surely an unbiased prediction would quell the maelstrom of uninformed hypotheses and nervous jabbering.

So, as we all settled into bed for the night, someone began reading aloud a soothing bedtime story by the name of “Worst Case Scenario,” courtesy of cnn.com.

I feel that, as both a member of the media and lifelong resident of Baton Rouge, I owe it to my city, my state and my chosen profession to tear this sensationalist diatribe apart.

The article featured predictions by Ivor van Heerden, deputy director of the Louisiana State University Hurricane Center and director of the Center for the Study of Public Health Impacts of Hurricanes in Baton Rouge.

This guy should have had something decent to say, right? And if he hadn’t, surely CNN would have filtered or abandoned his crazy talk.

Mr. Van Heerden tended toward pessimism. And I quote:

“Imagine you’re the poor person who decides not to evacuate: Your house will disintegrate around you. The best you’ll be able to do is hang on to a light pole, and while you’re hanging on, the fire ants from all the mounds – of which there is two per yard on average – will clamber up that same pole. And eventually, the fire ants will win.”

He went on to say that due to oil and chemical spills, New Orleans would then burn to the ground, effectively robbing the man-eating fire ants of their rightful spoils.

The destruction caused by Katrina can in no way be minimized. We know this.

But, “Eventually, the fire ants will win?”

CNN, what in Bourbon’s name were you thinking?

The only thing that would have calmed my rage at this egregious stupidity would have been a full-fledged invasion of carnivorous insects into CNN’s offices.