Randy Monroe belongs in politics.
The University of Maryland Baltimore County men’s basketball coach made headlines around the country when he banned his team from its own locker room and from wearing any team apparel. No, the UMBC squad didn’t commit point shaving or accept recruitment money. No, the team is simply bad. It’s a crime Monroe won’t tolerate.
Stemming from the lackluster play in a 75-58 home loss to New Hampshire last Wednesday, the second-year coach cracked the whip on the 6-10 Retrievers.
UMBC previously had been 5-1 at RAC Arena before losing against the lesser-than-defective UNH (5-11), a team that averages 58.2 points per game, and its only double-digit scorer is named Blagoj Janev.
Blagoj Janev. Yeah, that’s what I said.
According to the Associated Press, the usually animated Monroe spent the majority of the game sitting dolefully on the sidelines. The only time he got up, he was whistled for a technical foul for being out of the coach’s box with eight minutes remaining, probably going to strangle the closest Retriever.
So, where are they dressing, you ask? Monroe has towel whipped ’em to the pressroom. It’s a punishment of the worst of company, where the only thing uniform among sports writers is a press pass and a notepad full of clichés. Monroe has not released any information or made any statements about the nature of his punishment. UMBC spokesman Steve Levy confirmed that Monroe has not allowed the Retrievers in the locker room since the loss and its uncertain as to when he will.
Monroe is sending a message not just to the team. Sure, wearing apparel means taking pride in your team and the ban is heartfelt, but he’s also brought national attention to the basketball program. To be honest, I didn’t know the American East Conference team existed. His actions have inspired stories from nearly 40 newspapers from The Washington Post to Seattle Post Intelligencer to yours truly.
I assume Monroe told his team not to come back until doing something right. It’s a motto we need to adopt across the board from the president to the pizza man.
Don’t bring me that pepperoni pie until you get it right.
And I applaud Randy Monroe. It’s why I am nominating him for Louisiana governor, New Orleans mayor, FEMA director and United States president. I’ve already started working on his campaign posters.
“Monroe, fo sho.” OK, so I didn’t really nominate him, but if there were more Randy Monroe’s out there, the world would be a better place.
Maybe he could whoop the U.S. men’s basketball into shape. I can see LeBron James now, scouring e-bay for a jersey and Shaq and Kobe bearing it all in the pressroom.
“I got the scoop,” announces one reporter.
