In these volatile economic times, we have learned to save our money in whatever ways we can. One interesting way of being mindful of spending money is by only spending cash.
I have decided to take this saving idea a step further, which brings me to this week’s topic: I believe that it is high time we transferred Wolfbucks into paper money.
I am sure I am not the only one who has gotten to the last two weeks of the semester only to realize that I have just 12 Wolfbucks and a prayer to hold me over until the end of school. After eight minutes of exhaustive research and investigation on the subject in the form of joking back and forth with friends, it has become clear to me that the benefits of having paper Wolfbucks are endless.
For starters, having all of our Wolfbucks issued in paper will allow us to hold them that first day, take them in and sigh to ourselves, “This is mine, no more, no less.” Then comes the second step, when we all flood the Danna Center to get the initial 100-Wolfbuck bills broken into lesser denominations. I personally will be getting my 660 Wolfbucks turned into ones, that way it will be easier to make it rain at the club.
Also, I’m sure everyone has thought to themselves, “Wouldn’t it be nice if I could do my laundry with Wolfbucks?” This system will allow that to happen, in a roundabout sort of way. The university could have an exchange set up near student finances, where students could exchange Wolfbucks for U.S. dollars at the exchange rate indicated.
Admittedly, the exchange rate would be extremely disadvantageous — something like two or three Wolfbucks on the dollar. Naturally, a Wolfbuck black market would take root on our campus.
The more important aspect of the new system will become clear after about two weeks into the semester, after we all have done some spending of our Wolfbills. As our purses and wallets get lighter, we will panic and realize the necessity of saving our Wolfbucks for those times when they are really needed, like when they put out fresh sushi or when they have a new Zapp’s flavor.
This realization will come with a certain tinge of sadness, but ultimately we will all understand that such responsible spending habits will be needed for later in life. That is actually the grand finale of my reasoning.
Since college is essentially a transition from adolescence to full adulthood, why not apply that same psychological evolution to our spending habits as well? What I’m trying to say is that a college that really and truly cares about their students will implement a university-based monetary system of paper denominations that are given in allotments to the students that invest in them, so that the students can learn the basics of saving money over time, but mostly so that I can make it rain at The Raven on Saturdays.
Chad Carlile can be reached at
