Too tired from “studying” the night before to get out of bed and throw an outfit together? Well, with Chris’ perspective in hand, you’ll think twice about those pajamas you’re wearing …

I think my living 21 years without serious bodily injury or arrest is credit enough for me to share some of my homespun folksy pearls of wisdom with the new freshmen, though upper classmen should take note as well.

You’re bound to make some poor life choices during college. You’ll skip the wrong classes, gain or lose a frankly silly amount of weight, have one too many drinks (once you’re of age, of course), and have some regrettable make out partners.

There’s one area, though, where I hope to steer you on the right path: classroom fashion.

I know you relish rolling out of bed and going to class. I know you think this is giving you an air of nonchalance and irreverence. You’re finally free from khaki uniforms and plaid skirts and cardigans.

It’s a most glorious event, and you think maybe looking refreshed and rested in your bedtime clothes is the perfecct way to represent this. However, you look and smell like you woke up face down on the floor of a city bus.

Guys, dingy white t-shirts and ancient pajama pants look ridiculous outside the gym. Girls, faded Slam -N- Jam shirts and extra-large Jesuit High School P.E. shorts you stole from your ex-boyfriend and/or gay best friend (because, as we all know, they are sometimes the same guy, though that is another topic entirely) simply will not do in an academic setting.

Does it really take all that much effort to brush your teeth, wipe off last night’s make up and put on actual clothing?

I know it’s scary to hear, but you’re an adult-like person now, and you should dress as such.

Even jeans and a clean shirt will do a world of wonders for the way you present yourself to your peers and professors. Do you really want the people around you to think you’re a couch potato who enjoys living in your own filth?

I don’t think you do.

Girls, it’s great that you love your bodies. Self-love and confidence are super important in this developmental stage of your life. I know you probably spend countless hours in the University Sports Complex working on your fitness, and you relish shopping without your parents around to tell you how revealing that top is, but you should approach some aspects of your life as a game show. In the classroom, it’s best to keep your cash and prizes behind curtain number two.

Save the fancies for going out.

The only boots you should wear at this time of year are galoshes, but only when there is a chance of some serious rain. I’m sure you love those expensive sheepskin boots.

I am sure they are a most clever and practical purchase in your home state. But you might notice that that the weather is sauna-like in this city, so you may want to leave them at home. Your little piggies will thank you if you give them breathable shoes.

But rubber doesn’t belong on your feet. I don’t care how much you claim those bright green and neon pink garden shoes are comfortable.

They are aesthetically atrocious, and you’re just begging for a fungal infection. Save them for when you are actually gardening.

Stay on the path of fashion and lifestyle righteousness, my darlings.

You don’t have to go around stinky, half-dressed or in the wrong footwear. You can be tasteful and stylish without giving up your caprice or your gumption.

Chris Jennings can be reached at [email protected].