The choice of Joe Biden and Sarah Palin are two of the most uninspiring vice presidential choices since Burr shot my favorite founding father and bank note. Their resumes are impressive. Biden has been a senator for over 30 years, chairman of the senate foreign relations committee, a Roman Catholic and the forty-first rich white man to be on the Democratic ticket. I can imagine the word “change” tattooed on his forehead. Then I think of all the times Biden has put his foot in his mouth. My favorite example was Biden on his running mate Barrack Obama: “I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that’s a storybook, man.” Now, I can imagine another word tattooed on Biden’s face.
More importantly, America has chosen a new national sweetheart. Move over, Reese Witherspoon. Stand down, Julia Roberts. Stop invading Argentina, Margaret Thatcher. Here comes Sarah Palin, mother of five, marathon runner, point guard of her high school basketball team, city council for four years, mayor of a town of 7,000 for eight and governor to just under 700,000 souls for a little less than two years. She is a dictionary definition of the word “experience.”
Angry readers are now thinking, “Well, who would you have chosen?” I created a list using specialized criteria, consisting of resumes, hearsay and vicious personal attacks and entered them into the computer that complies college football rankings. One is, of course, Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y. The pros are that she was a right-hand woman during one of the most fiscally responsible eras in American history. She’ll also be up at 3 a.m. to answer any and all phone calls.
The cons make me question if we want reporters and politicians to dig up all the Clinton scandals of the 1990s, which made for some tawdry television and terrible politics. I’m also concerned about having an insomniac for vice president. Another is Gov. Kathleen Sebelius, D-Kan. The positive is that she is an accomplished female governor from a red state. And her negative is that she’s an accomplished female Democrat not named Clinton.
One strong Republican is Sen. Olympia Snowe from Maine. Snowe is a moderate well-liked Republican from a blue state known for reaching across the aisle to get things done. But these traits have little or no appeal to a Republican base, which is still suspicious of McCain. Another popular Republican is Rep. Ron Paul from Texas. Paul’s pros are that he is popular in Internet culture, he can raise money and he would be the second gnome to be on a presidential ticket. Calvin Coolidge, of course, was the first. But can we really trust a gnome being a heart beat away from the presidency?
