To all current and future professors: I’d like to apologize – I am a journalism student.

I apologize for all the due dates I’ll miss and all the extensions I’ll beg for as final acts of desperation. It’s just that your deadlines fail to incite the same sense of urgency within me as an imminent publication date. Try telling me my reflection on Ignatian spirituality is slated to hit the newsstands in two days, and perhaps I’ll procrastinate less.

I should also mention that I might be a little late – or not present – for some of your classes. It’s possible that I’m stuck in an interview, hiding in a bush with a camera, or maybe en route when a peaceful demonstration gone awry ignited my reporter instinct. But most likely I’m taking a nap after staying up ’till 5 a.m. putting together a newspaper.

And if I do show up to class, I’m sorry for looking out the window most of the time. I’m not trying to be rude – I’m just inherently curious about my surroundings.

To the math and science professors whose classes I’ll inevitably flounder in – I’m sorry I was unable to test out of these requirements and now exist as the bane of your careers in the class you’re too smart to teach. And I apologize for asking you to repeat the steps of DNA replication for the 10th time. I honestly still don’t get it.

To the professors who have to grade my papers – please understand that my writing style is different. I’ve learned to be frugal with my words and lucid to the point of invisibility after learning to write for a city that generally reads on a fourth-grade level, and for a world with a nonexistent attention span. So, the paper you assigned that was supposed to be 10 pages will probably end up clocking in at five and will be as challenging to read as a Nicholas Sparks novel.

Also, if you notice any discrepancies in my writing that diverge from the rest of academia – blame it on the Associated Press Stylebook.

I’m bright and brimming with potential – and might earn a solid GPA based on that – but I’m really just not good at being a student. I often attempt to apply myself, only to be inhibited by the many shortcomings plaguing right-brained, idealistic people such as myself.

But in exchange for the difficulty I’ll cause, I promise the only service I can competently render – to let you know what’s happening around you.