A couple of months ago, I received a phone call from a woman whose friend had gone to a party where Rohypnol, the so-called date rape drug, was mixed into her drink and where she subsequently found herself the victim of a gang rape.

Ashamed, humiliated and maybe also blaming herself, the young woman neither wanted to go to the hospital, call the police nor confront her attackers, who were all familiar to her and who were, in fact, boasting about their dirty deed to their friends.

Incidents like this are far too familiar in our culture, where one in three women will be the victim of sexual violence in her life, where the likelihood that a college woman will have non-consensual sexual encounters during her four years in college is far greater than that of the average woman, and where convicted rapists generally serve shorter sentences than people who are convicted under mandatory drug sentencing laws.

What these sobering statistics show us is that in our culture violence against women is part of the way we live, part of our daily reality and deeply ingrained in our collective and individual psyches.

Violence against women – whether domestic violence, incest, or stranger and acquaintance rape – is systemic.

It is woven into and upheld by our cultural institutions, the legal system, the educational system, even our religions.

It exists not only in the crimes that are perpetrated against women, but also, and maybe more insidiously, it exists in the minds of women who, out of the fear of violence, often can’t live up to their full potential.

In short, it is part of the fabric of our society, from the way in which we punish offenders to the way in which we treat victims.

More than that, as a crime that is perpetuated on a daily basis and that often goes unpunished, violence against women keeps in place and reinforces the existing power relations that see women as lesser than and inferior to men.

Violence against women, as many feminists have argued for a long time, keeps sexism in place and perpetuates a culture of patriarchy and woman hating.

Fighting against this violence only makes sense when it is connected to the larger struggle for women’s liberation and women’s equality.

Only in a world where women can exercise self-determination, a world in which women are considered equals, not secondary citizens or subordinates, can we create adequate social relations and laws that protect women and their children from daily and random violence in their lives.

As women and men take back the night, we need to remind ourselves that this event is not only about healing the pain that exists among us. It is also about literally taking back the night, about creating safe spaces where women are free of harassment, where they can walk undisturbed and where they are in control of their bodies, their sexuality and, most importantly, themselves.

This project is both personal and political. Everyone needs to examine his or her own behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs about the equality of women and violence against women.

We need to raise our consciousness so that we don’t unconsciously repeat old patterns of behavior that render women secondary and thus keep violence in place.

Women need to empower themselves to have the strength and confidence to say that NO means NO, and to report any assault against us.

Men need to understand those messages, have the strength to be partners and allies to those who are the victims of violence, and have the courage to call fellow men on their sexist behavior.

At the same time, we need to examine and change our institutions -political, social and educational.

We need to make sure that violence against women does not go unchecked, that it does not get swept under the rug and that it will not be perpetuated in the epidemic numbers that are with us today.

We need to have laws that send a clear message that violence against women is unlawful and will be punished.

We need to talk to and the raise the consciousness of our university presidents, chiefs of police, representatives, judges, fraternities and individual men so that violence against women remains no longer part of our institutions, traditions and cultures.

This is work that women and men can do together and separately. We need to take the energy that is created at Take Back the Night and transform it into questions, demands, and change.

Most of all, women need to walk the streets as equals. Only then can the night truly be ours, too.

Susanne Dietzel is the director of the Women’s Resource Center.