Belhaven University was one sorry case, just another victim in a string of slaughters at the hands of Loyola’s Wolfpack. After three rounds of indescribable carnage, they were finished.

Resistance was futile.

Who’s to blame for the blood bath? Resident serial killers Colleen McNerney, psychology junior, and Mary Seals, accounting junior. With 10 kills alone, McNerney established herself as the evening’s primary predator.

As of Wednesday, the NAIA named her the 14th most dangerous killer in the nation. She’s in your classes, shares your bathrooms and eats next to you in the O.R. If you see a group of girls in spandex shorts singing songs from the Lion King, you’ll probably think nothing of it.

They want you to think that.

“Every one is so confident with themselves around each other. It’s okay to be as goofy and loud as we want,” McNerney said of Loyola’s volleyball team’s mild exterior. You may not notice the danger right away, but be warned: If your name is Wilson or Spalding, get a helmet.

Like any cold-blooded killer, she evokes a sweet and well-adjusted appearance. Fellow suspect Mary Seals seems equally average on the outside: “I like pop, boy bands, I like Justin Timberlake – anything that’s mellow or that you can sing in the car.”

Seals and McNerney are roommates and both members of Theta Phi Alpha. In order to understand the true nature of their crimes, one must examine the suspects from the beginning.

BE ON THE LOOKOUT

McNerney was born in Fort Mitchell, Ky. In the fifth grade, she developed a taste for the game and has spent the last nine years on a rampant killing spree that landed her, of all places, at Loyola.

Sources describe her as outgoing and obnoxious, a fitting profile of a nationally-ranked assassin. She spends her summers lifting “to build up muscle” and practices her service techniques.

“A lot of things get into my head. I’m a perfectionist,” McNerney recently told The Maroon. “I feel more pressure when I have to pass then when I have to hit it.”

It’s easy to see where she stands: on the outside, offensive stance, ready to bump off any patsy.

Despite doing all she can to keep murder rates high, she and her teammate saw a mid-season drop in results. “It was really frustrating,” she said.

Enough so to create a motive in the mind of a killer. McNerney and her teammates reigned vengeance on John Brown University in Houston last Saturday, offing anything in the line of fire.

“Whatever was missing is back,” she said. “We hadn’t been playing with as much confidence, timing was slightly off.” With malice as forethought, Loyola massacred John Brown 3-0.

But McNerney doesn’t work alone. A record that impressive has a partner in crime.

Enter level-headed Mary Seals, who serves as the ying to McNerney’s yang. She’s an interesting case study who, unlike her blatently boisterous counterpart, keeps a painfully low profile. Where McNerney is acerbic, Seals is sugar.

“She’s kind of shy, but she’s always there for you. She’s sensitive and able to relate and talk with everybody,” McNerney said of Seals. It’s possible that one of Seal’s advantages is her genuine persona.

“I have an addiction to ‘Project Runway,’ ‘Grey’s Anatomy,’ and ‘America’s Next Top Model.'” In a sense, Seals is as down-to earth and normal as they come.

How many students partake in the pleasures of reality TV? Plenty.

How many of them rank 12th nationally in kills with 4.48 kills per game?

Just Seals.

Yes, underneath her warm and honest front is the best offensive player on campus. Seals is a natural born killer, and her bloodlust runs as long as her record.

“I’ve played city leagues since the first grade. I’ve been tall my whole life.”

Sharpening her craft at an early age is key to understanding Seal’s success, but her intentions may run beyond basic instinct. The season lost to Hurricane Katrina did nothing but fan the fire.

Seals was stationed at St. Edward’s University in her hometown of Austin, Texas, and she spent that fall perfecting her skills.

Seal’s older sister shares her knack for killing, proof that perhaps these tendencies really are genetic. Seals added, “My family is really athletic. My dad played (basketball at St. Edward’s)” There you go.

From a long lineage of talented mercenaries, Seals walks the line between savage and strategic. Her method is simple: “I try to hit it as hard as I can.” On the other hand: “I’m a little spastic. The defense says they can’t tell where I’m going to hit it.”

McNerney acknowledges her teammate’s ruthless dedication. “I can always rely on her to be consistent; when I’m on the bench, I’m confident it will be a kill.”

Seals balances her steely resolve with unrelenting positivity and humor. “She’s really funny,” said Errin Price, psychology freshman and a fellow teammate. “She cracks jokes all the time.”

The Seals paradox is a mystery for the ages, but with a record like hers, no one needs to ask questions. “Although she’s not the most vocal player, she’s definitely a key to our success,” Head Coach Tommy Harold said.

The sorry saps at Lee University are next at The Den on Saturday. Tooth and nail extracted, McNerney, Seals and the rest of the ‘Pack will undoubtedly hand it back to them.

So with all due respect, Lee, you’ve been warned.

Nicole Mundy can be reached at [email protected].