Today I took advantage of a government sponsored service that in normal circumstances I would think premature in regards to my personal life goals.

Today was the day I got my very first food stamps. See, Mom, I told you that not only full-time McDonald’s employees qualify for food stamps.

It seemed too good to be true how easy it was. There I was, some relatively privileged kid attending a prestigious out of state private university whose dad will throw a few extra bones to her here and there shimmying my way through the line of working class New Orleanians at the Ernest N. Morial Convention Center.

I was escorted by bright-eyed and bushy-tailed National Guardsmen who flashed wide smiles lit up by dazzling eyes who only requested two things from me: “ID and a smile, baby.”

The whole thing was painless and was over in no more than 30 minutes. This didn’t seem like how the normal process of acquiring government aid usually goes down, not that I would know (barring my previous Federal Emergency Management Agency compensation, which they promptly tried to reclaim). That’s because it wasn’t normal. It was a little something created in the wake of that Swedish jerk Gustav for anyone who lost a couple shifts at work and cleared out their fridge because of evacuating, which is pretty much everybody in Louisiana right now.

My smooth experience was only due to good timing, however, and this time it wasn’t the early birds who got the worm from the Disaster Food Stamp Program of the Louisiana Department of Social Services. If I had gone, say, a week or two ago to collect my $162 grocery debit card, I would have been waiting in line a hell of a lot longer with probably a hell of a lot less cheery company. I might have even been sent to the wrong location.

Fortunately, Gov. Bobby Jindal waved his admonishing finger at the DSS for its shortcomings and inaccuracies in response to the aftermath of Gustav – especially with the food stamp program – which assumedly lead to the resignation of its chief, Ann Williamson, on Sept. 15.

Overall, I’m impressed and grateful to Jindal and everyone else’s quick reaction to the “disaster.” Even though we could have used such timely and enthusiastic accommodation three years ago, us local hurricane fleers certainly do appreciate this little storm perk. I sure as hell need that modest compensation to break even from the barista shifts I lost and the Prego sauce I had to throw out, and I know there’s a lot of other people out there who are even more relieved.

But can I buy booze with food stamps?