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When I was asked to join the production team of God Help Them, I immediately agreed because I knew a cast of this size would be a good challenge for me, as it was my first time Assistant Costume Designing. My supervisor gave me the chance to back out at any moment, even before I read the script.

After reading the script I was nervous about the show being produced. Some of the first things I noticed (in an earlier version of the script) were that there was an ‘Enslaved Woman’ character; named as such, a ‘Medicine Woman’ character, and two “non-binary” characters who were specifically written in the script as dressed in stereotypical girl & boy styled costumes. This was enough for me to talk to my supervisor about my concerns, as well as other members of TAD faculty that could do something about these concerns. I was uncomfortable. These identities which were so poorly portrayed because of the simple fact that they were written by someone who doesn’t understand the complexities of them. Why write about the struggles of Enslaved peoples when that’s not your story to tell as a white woman? I knew this was the effect of ignorance. I didn’t feel that it was malicious, but I know it’s not a story that should be brought onto a stage for an audience. After myself and a few other students brought their concerns to the production team, there were rewrites. The Enslaved Woman was renamed to Peg Jefferson. Still discomforting, but an attempt was made.

Throughout my talking with the costume designer, I was given multiple opportunities to leave the production because being a part of it was causing me immense stress. But, I persisted because each theatre student needs a certain amount of production credits for our degrees, as well as my passion for the actual work of creating the costumes. I love what I do, but my lack of passion and belief in the themes of this show tainted the process. Working with Ann Mahoney (the director) I noticed things. I could say all I wanted about the script but I had never been in a class of hers in person so I had no real experience with her until the first costume meeting we had with her. She had originally sent over a mood board for the costume design she envisioned, this consisted of images of enslaved women and Native American women. We were never going to put anyone in shackles or a headdress, regardless of the fact that the person originally casted as the ‘Medicine Woman’ role was Native American. I thought it was entirely inappropriate to ask that of us. So we presented the mood board that Kaci (Costume Designer) had created, which eliminated the cultural insensitivity and appropriation. It went well. However, at the end of the meeting Ann presented a new idea she’d come up with. At the end of the show the main character Hannah Green is supposed to say “I’m Hannah Green.” and Ann proposed that instead of Hannah saying it, she’d have a young black girl run across the stage to say “You’re Hannah Green, I know you!”. But the way that she presented this idea to the room struck me in a negative way. The people in the room were herself, a Puerto Rican woman, another white woman, and myself: a black woman. And she stared me in the eyes for this proposal, as if I was supposed to approve of this? Hannah Green is a character that is based on her own life experiences as a white woman, although she was casted as a black woman, being idolized by a young black girl? Why? I felt immensely discomforted, but the idea was shut down eventually. After that meeting I never had to interact with Ann until tech week, which was very minimal. The process of creating the garments and designs for the show was something that I enjoyed, but the experience was tainted by the contents of the show. I felt uncomfortable seeing how many of my peers were constantly upset about being a part of it. Many of the actors & student designers expressed their stresses but as students we have to obtain production credits. I just hope moving forward the department will put more effort into diversifying the methods of choosing their Directors and shows.