I have grown up in a generation scared to be loved. We post about love, sing about love, and dream about love, but we’re terrified of actually feeling it. Hookup culture has become the new norm. Sex becomes pleasure without connection. 

I don’t believe it’s entirely our fault. From a young age, I have been deterred from love. My example of marriage and commitment had been tarnished. When the people who taught me what love looked like fell apart, I began to believe that everyone would. I don’t think I’m alone in that. I think many of us grew up watching love collapse, so it makes sense that intimacy feels dangerous.

As a kid, I saw my parents in a different light than I do now. When their marriage crumbled and their continuing relationships have only hammered the idea that love is filled with pain and suffering, I lost hope for myself. An image came into my head that I would never be truly loved, and even if I was, it would not last. Many of my friends and peers have expressed a similar take. Divorce rates have gone up exponentially in recent years, and I believe this is a big factor in why younger generations steer clear of true intimacy.  

Many of the relationships we encounter in today’s world resemble a similar concept. I find myself more shocked when I meet someone with happily married parents than when not.  

The media has not helped create any hope either. The press has idolized this idea that lust is something to be sought after, as though it’s a more gratifying sensation than being in love. Stories of celebrities cheating on their partners tend to sell better than stories about their happy marriages. In shows like “Euphoria” and “Love Island,” intimacy is treated like a transaction, not a connection. Those images shape us more than we realize.  

These ideals and experiences have shaped the way younger generations now react to the idea of romantic relationships. In high school, many of my friends were scared they wouldn’t lose their virginity before going to college, but why was that such a scary thing? It wouldn’t be embarrassing if they hadn’t had a boyfriend. It was embarrassing if they hadn’t had sex.  

I believe we are drawn to lust because of instant pleasure with a lack of depth. Love means work and pain; we often don’t see the rewards and beauty anymore because they are clouded by the fear of true intimacy. Truly being seen by another person for more than just your outer layers. I believe that there are plenty of people who want deep relationships but are frightened by them. Maybe romance isn’t out of style, maybe it’s just waiting for us to remember what it really means. To slow down, to risk being seen, to choose love even when it’s not easy. Romance isn’t gone, we just have to relearn how to value it.