Love is one of the most controversial words in the English language. No two people have the same definition, and no one definition is correct. Webster’s Dictionary defines love in simple terms – that of a strong affection. I’ve found that most people do not define love with such simplicity.
My roommate received a gift the other day that got me thinking about the simplicity of love, or at least its marketability. The gift was a book, “Love’s Book of Answers.”
The book works as a sort of Magic 8 Ball; you think of a yes or no question and open the book to find the answer. Sounds simple, right? But is finding the answers to love as simple as stumbling across a page with the words, “flirt, flirt, flirt” written on it?
This is not the only “helpful” book lying around my house. There is also The New York Times bestseller, “He’s Just Not That Into You,” a book of relationship signs deciphered by the creators of the award-winning series “Sex and the City.” This book has chapters including, “He’s Just Not That Into You If He Only Wants To See You When He’s Drunk” and “He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Disappeared On You.”
You may laugh when you read these titles; I know that was my first reaction. My second was: When did we stop seeing reality clearly and allow these books to tell us what we should already know?
I feel like these books are only perpetuating an already bleak situation by preying on the lonely. They use simple tricks of psychology to play mind games with the reader, making it easier for people to separate themselves from reality and move into a dream world, where life is easy and so is love. We as knowledgeable young adults should be more reliant on our common sense and less dependent on books like these.
It makes me laugh that educated young women are buying these books and literally closing chapters with tears in their eyes, feeling stupid for ever having believed in love.
It’s amazing to me how many books are out there targeting women in my age group, promising them love and affection if they only follow a few simple steps. What is even more amazing is how well these types of books sell, as if some writer sitting in his New York City loft has all of the answers to love’s timeless questions. I know it’s sometimes hard for people to hear, but the truth is no one has the answers. Another truth is that love isn’t hopeless, but it won’t come from reading a book.
People think that reading these books will help them find all of the answers, but answers only come with action. Last summer I worked for a dating service and saw lonely people taking action first hand.
Most of the people that came through our doors had a grip on reality; they knew that finding love wasn’t working for them and that love wouldn’t be found in the pages of a book or magazine.
Some people will always need a little bit of extra help finding love, a push in the right direction.
What one must accept though is the reality of one’s situation and stop being naïve to the signs, because they are out there – it is simply a matter of being able to cope with reality and read them accurately.
