I’m all for the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat and all that other good stuff. But do we really need to be blasted with blistering, non-stop coverage of the Winter Olympics?The Winter Olympics have to be, beyond all doubt, the most boring and overrated sporting event on the friggin’ planet. And yes, I’m including all of Mike Tyson’s fights, the annual Army-Navy football game and the PGA Championship.I think Bob Costas is a great announcer, and I like him just as much as the next fan does. We need to get this poor man some better work. Calling the races at the local dog track might be better.Three American snowboarders swept the men’s half-pipe competition. Yay. But the really entertaining part of the story came later that night. I laughed my head off watching these three guys give interviews. They looked and sounded like Keanu Reeves on NyQuil and mescaline. Whoa, dude, I am totally stoked that they won medals. But their interviews were, like, totally bogus. Hearing those three guys chatter away made me reach for the nearest four bottles of aspirin.A controversy involving figure skating swept Olympic coverage and cast a dark shadow on the “pure” sport. Whoop-de-do. Honestly, if there were no controversy, would we even care about who won? It’s nice that the Canadian pair got a gold medal, but are we really losing sleep over this?If it were my decision, I’d say there is only one solution to this problem: thunder dome. Two pairs enter. One pair leaves. Skate blades could still be involved. How’s that for the agony of defeat?Now the big talk is about the American hockey team. Most people barely paid attention during the NHL All-Star game, and now we’re supposed to watch the league’s top players battle it out for gold, silver and bronze?Call me crazy, but I like the old school days when amateur players were in the Olympics. The “miracle on ice” in 1980 still stands as one of the pinnacles in modern sports.The Olympics could be the only shot an amateur has at something big, and now professionals are dominating the event. For shame.But if there is one sport the Winter Olympics needs to punch up or drop completely, it’s curling. How is this an Olympic event? It has always been my understanding that if you can play a sport while drunk, then it isn’t a real sport.Perhaps with some modifications this event can fit into my grand scheme of Thunder Dome Olympics.Granted, I might have some tiny bias against the Winter Olympics because I live in a city that doesn’t get snow. Fine, I’m willing to admit that. But until I live up in the frozen tundra with polar bears and the Eskimos of Minnesota, you can take your snow and stick it in your pants.Winter wonderland, my ass.
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